عُقبالك نفرح منك! ‏

 "عُقبالك حبيبتي انشالله نفرح منك!!" طبعاً هالسطر اللي ما إلو أي لازمة ولا أي مكان من الاعراب صرت سامعيته أكتر من ألف مرة (ولو إلو تأثير 1% كنت زمان تزوجت!). المشكلة مش هون، المشكلة اني زهقت أرد: مرّة بشكر، ومرة بحس بدي أبرر ليه فعلا ما في داعي تكلفوا خاطركم وتحكوه، ومرة بستظرف وبقول "عقبالكم وحدكم"..ويبقى أفضل رد رديته للي بدها "تفرح مني" وقولتلها: عنجد فيكي تفرحي ومن قلبك كمان؛ افرحي لأني ناجحة بعملي، وافرحي لأني وأخيراً عرفت أواظب عالجيم وخسرت 6 كيلو، وافرحي لأني قريباً رح أسافر سفرة حلوة، وأهم شي افرحي انو صحتي منيحة..هاد إذا كتير هامك تفرحي مني.

يمكن تقولوا عني جفصة (فظة) وهول العالم نيتهم منيحة وفعلاً بيتمنولي – ما يعتقدونه- خير وإني لازم أكون  أكثر لطفاً ولكن الموضوع يتعدى المجاملات وذلك للأسباب التالية:

أولاً،  موضوع الزواج يُعتبر موضوع شخصي وخاص جداً فمن أنت أيها الغريب لتتدخل في خصوصياتي وتتمنى أن مسار حياتي يسري باتجاه أنت تراه مناسباً وممكن أنا لا أوافق عليه. 

ثانياً، اللي بتقوله عقبالك هو واحد من اتنين: يا إما ما بدو يتزوج وكلامك بهالحالي بكون متل قلته، أو انه بدو بس النصيب مش رايد والموضوع عامله حرقة بقلبه، وانت كل ما تحكيله عقبالك بتذكره بالجرح خصوصي انه متل ما ذكرت سابقاً انه هالكلمة لا بتحل ولابتربط ولا إلها أي تأثير عملي.

ثالثاً، بتلاحظوا انو اللي بيستخدم هالكلمة كتير بكون هو نفسه مش مبسوط بحياته وسراً بيتمنى يرجع أعزب. فالواقع انه هالشخص عمبيتمنى أنو متل ما هو أو هي تعساء الكل يصير تعيس عشان الحظوظ  تتساوى.

رابعاً وأخيراً، الوحيد اللي بحقله يقولي عقبالك هو الشخص اللي أنا شكيتيله اني نفسي أتزوج وهمّ أو همّت لمساعدتي (يعني جبتلي عريس!) وهالشخص طبعا مش موجود لأني مستحيل أشتكي من حياة الحرية!

ودمتم 

 

Yuk! A refugee!!

This post is dedicated to the gentleman who tried to offend me and said: you're a refugee you have no right to speak about any country.

Thank you.

Since that "insult" and I've been trying to imagine how my life would have been had I not been a refugee. Now, just a clarification, I am a born refugee, so my grandparents were the ones to endure leaving their land and house and coming all the way to Lebanon and living in camps and receiving aids from the UN and so on...

Had I not been a refugee, I wouldn't have heard my parents say thousands of times:
"We don't have a land, we don't have home..your university certificate is your home and land and the passport that would take you to places.."
I think this is the morning anthem in every Palestinian household, not only for Palestinians in diaspora but also in the Palestinian territories, so no wonder that the highest literacy rate in the Arab world is in Palestine.


Had I not been a refugee, I would have taken the concept of having a country for granted. The sense of belonging to a cause, a thought of a homeland, a dream, a struggle..wouldn't have existed. Now, blame me for being a naive romantic person but the notion of a homeland I always carried in my awareness...the images of Palestine  painted by the sweet words of Mahmoud Darwish and the voice of Fairuz singing سنرجع يوماً الى أرضنا (One day we shall  go back to our homeland), this all made the idea of "home" very precious, it made me appreciate and hold on to things that give me some sort of "sense of belonging" such as a loving person, a warm friend, a comfortable house and even a comfy car.


Had I not been a refugee, I probably wouldn't have understood what a man without a land endures and what that look of a lebanese officer at the passport control means (let's get back to this later). Probably my compassion and empathy for other refugees wouldn't be as genuine, but more importantly my pride to be a refugee myself and have made it this far wouldn't exist.

I'm not saying that being a refugee is a great blessing! It's not. It's a situation that shouldn't have been in the first place, but it is my reality, and my destiny, and yet I'm grateful for it because it showed me the meaning of perseverance and determination.

Today, 20th of June is World Refugee Day. I pray for a day when all refugees go back home!

الحب والفلافل

هي:       هل تشعر به؟ 

هو:        ما هو؟ 

هي:       الحب

هو:        ....

هي:       أشعر به يحاصرني...يملأ صدري بهواء ثقيل فلا أقدر أن أتنفس، يدغدغ قلبي فينتفض ويرفرف كحمامة مذبوحة..ثُم يهدأ..ويرسم ثغري ابتسامة خفيفة وينسدل جفناي قليلاً وتلمع عيناي...

هو:        وأنا أشعر ب

هي:       بماذا؟؟ قل لي!! 

هو:        أشعر أن سندويش الفلافل لم تناسب معدتي!! عن إذنك

صراع الثورات والحريم!

على فكرة، أنا وقت الثورة المصرية الأم وما تبعها من ثورات واحتجاجات وانقلابات وتغيرات كنت متابعة بشغف وبقوة مع اني مش مصرية الجنسية، بس حبي لشعب وثقافة البلد كتير كبير وخلاني أتفاعل مع الوقائع وكأني منه وفيه. حالياً في بوادر ثورة نظيفة تلوح في الأفق في البلد اللي خلقت وربيت فيه، لبنان. ورغم عنصريته وطائفيته وكل مشاكله إلا أنه بلد يستحق حياة أفضل وفيه شعب على درجة عالية من الثقافة والشجاعة والشرف.
للأسف منذ بدء المظاهرات اللبنانية وفي كتير مواقع صفحات "مصرية" بتشير صور المتظاهرات وتنهال التعليقات (الظريفة والمستظرفة) حول طريقة اللبس تحديداً...ظهرت بعض الفيديوهات من نساء لبنانيات يعتبوا على إخوانا المصريين وتعليقاتهم اللي بصراحة ما إلها داعي. وحالياً منشوف رد من نساء مصريات بدافعوا عن وباء التحرش المنتشر في مصر وكأنه شي صحي وبيتهموا الشعب اللبناني: 1. نساؤه فلتانين 2. رجاله مش رجال 3. "ثورتنا" أحسن من ثورتكم!!
أولاً: المجتمع اللبناني أكثر انفتاحاً من المجتمع المصري...وما يمكن أن يحدث في مصر في الخفاء، يحدث في لبنان في العلن..لأنه مجتمع متعدد الطوائف والثقافات وهذا جعله أكثر انفتاحاً..نساء لبنان على درجة عالية من العلم والثقافة، ولا يجوز حصرهن بصفات لا ترتقي للأدب
ثانياً: لمن يشكك برجال لبنان، عليه أن يتذكر مايو 2000 تاريخ انسحاب الجيش الاسرائيلي من الجنوب..أول انتصار عربي حقيقي لم تتبعه معاهدة سلام مع الاسرائيلين
ثالثاً: ما في ثورة أحسن من ثورة...يعني اللي بيسمع انه الثورة المصرية "أحسن ثورة في العالم" يعتقد أنه العيشة فمصر صارت ألسطا وكله تمام.. الثورات كلها ما زالت مستمرة ولن تثمر قبل عشرات السنين
أخيراً: والله عيب! يعني متل ما العالم العربي كله ساند وفرح وزعل مع الشعب المصري، يا ريت أم الدنيا تترفع عن السخافات وفعلاً تكون منارة للشعوب الثانية تهتدي بها.
سلام لأم الدنيا ولست الدنيا!

An Attempt To Understand

A little while ago I had a discussion with someone. It started with her telling me about her two "smart" cats and what they were up to and how the cats can easily & playfully deceive her. I asked her if she thinks cats, and animals in general, are smarter than humans. Without hesitation she said: Yes of course. I said: you mean they're more intuitive; but are you sure they're "smarter"? She said definitely. I argued that how come they didn't build civilizations like we did..and how come they don't have any inventions like we do..she simply replied: "They don't need to. Human civilization failed."

We exchanged a bit more of q&a until I explained what I believe in:

I think the one reason humans have evolved to become what we are now is the question: "Why?" The urge to  find out why we're here and why us and what we're supposed to do keeps us going and has got us to where we are now. This question is what drives scientists to discover more and more and dig deep into reality to try and find out. It is also the same questions that caused religion and mythical ideologies to exist.  I don't believe animals have this urge, probably because they instinctively figured it out? Maybe.

23rd April- a date to remember

Today, last year, I took a life changing decision. I gave myself the best gift I can ever give myself. I started going to the gym on a regular basis and to some extent ate healthily.

Decisions related to adopting healthy lifestyle are usually easy to take and difficult to fulfill. I took the decision the night before (22nd April 2014) when I was sitting with a friend in Marina having shisha, the last shisha I have had since then, and looked down at my body and was shocked. As if it was the first time I see myself. Now people who've known most of my life can confirm that I was never over weight but on that night I realised I've reached the heaviest form of me. It wasn't only how I looked that bothered me, but mostly how I felt: always bloated, always hungry and craving all sorts of food, always lethargic and have no energy to even lift my laptop from the car seat.

So the decision was made: I will be in the gym every day. This is my goal and I will try my best to make it happen. The decision was effective  the next day.

The first few weeks I was in the gym everyday, every single day! Would come back from Abu Dhabi at 10pm and head straight to the gym. Having the gym bag always ready in my car meant there was no excuse not to go. For the next few months, I apologised to  friends who wanted to hang out after work hours. I have found a new haven, a place where I'm physically and emotionally balanced. I called that phase of my life: "Reaching the best of me". The results were obvious; receiving compliments about how I looked became a regular thing, but only I knew how good I felt from the inside.

Funny enough,  almost every time I met new people, they'd be into some kind of sports: cycling, body pump, zumba, yoga, etc... so that helped the commitment thing a lot. I guess that's how the universe works, when it means to help you achieve something, it makes sure that you do in every single way possible. 

A year later, I am 8 kilos less, much more fit than I've ever been and now I cannot look back at my lazy old self and accept her.

I'm sharing this because maybe someone out there is at the verge of taking a similar decision and needs a push. I hope this post is their push. 

Idea/day: Humans vs Nature

So we learnt that if bees vanish from the world, we vanish as well. It's not easy for a human ego to accept that our existence is dependent on a 2.5 centimeters long black and yellow striped creature (colours not confirmed yet, need to ask the internet).

The really sad news is: If humans vanish, completely gone, nature would survive and actually do better that it's doing now. Because no natural habitat is waiting for us to nurture it!

Can you imagine the world with no humans?! Very beautiful and serene green fields with happy bouncing animals (hopefully no dinosaurs then) roaming freely?